Living in a Haze

I remember when I was younger there were so many days that were special. Of course, there were “big” holidays like Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and of course, birthdays. But as a child, I recall finding the most insignificant days to celebrate. It’s your dog’s birthday? Let’s celebrate! You bought a new pack of mechanical pencils? Let’s celebrate! EVERY day could hold something special that led to the need for celebration. However, as I have gotten older, the days that pass by seem to be just that: another day. Christmas doesn’t quite feel like Christmas anymore, summer breaks just means more work that I get paid for instead of a grade for, and birthdays are just another Monday or Tuesday of the week.

The thing is: I hate it. I ask myself, what has changed in my mind that use to celebrate everything that now finds everything in a linear blur? Has the novelty of a “holiday” worn off? Is it truly that I have just “grown up”?

If I was fourteen or fifteen, I would have said that I’m “too cool to care”, but now, I’m not sure what the reason is.

Reflecting on this now, I have come to the conclusion that I may never know the exact date the “music died” but who says I can’t change the station? Who says I can’t reignite the fire that made every day special?

Where changing the station is concerned, I greatly believe that it’s a good representation of how we work. Throughout our lives, we change our interests, our hobbies, and our values. When it comes to holidays, I find that changing my music station included caring less about the materialistic gifts in perfectly wrapped boxes and caring more about the time I get to spend with my family, friends, and yes, even my dog!

This weekend I went home for the first time in a month, and it dawned on me that the reason my mom had been pestering me about what meal I wanted Sunday was that this was the first birthday I wouldn’t be home to celebrate. Although there were gifts presented, I found myself thinking more about how I wasn’t going to wake up that morning and be greeted by my parents, my sisters, and my dog all saying, “Happy Birthday!” That’s when I realized my radio station had changed.

I also realized that I have been living in a haze. I have merely been existing from one day to the next for a while now, trying to make it through without a mountain of homework and responsibilities falling down on top of me. I had lost the spark of excitement about every day a while ago.

Even though I may not be able to replenish that spark fully, I can still recreate it in small amounts. I can still celebrate my friends’ victories in life, I can still celebrate the time I am gifted with my family, and I can still cherish the moments I get to spend on this earth.

Every day is a great day; we only have to find the great in every day.

Forever Blue,

Scuyler Zenger